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The lights in the restaurant were low. I loved watching
the shadows
play across AJ’s face as he took a drink. In the dark, he looked
so
mysterious. “What are you staring at?” he asked in amusement,
putting his
glass down.
“You,” I admitted freely.
He laughed, placing his hand on mine across the table. “I
love being
with you, you know,” he told me. “I can’t believe we’ve only
known each
other for such a short time. It feels like forever.”
I was silent for a moment. “It actually feels like the blink
of an eye
to me,” I confessed finally. “You know, one minute I was living
my old
life, just like normal, then the next, I’m here in New York, living
the high
life with you. I’m not really sure how I got here.”
“But, however it happened, you’re here now. And I’m glad
you
are.”
I smiled at him. “Me, too.”
We chatted as we ate, but in the back of my mind, I was turning
things over and over. AJ was such an intense person ... when
he did
something, he didn’t do it halfway. It was what excited me about
him, drew
me to him ... and also scared me a little about him. He reminded
me of
what his mother had said about vibes -- I wasn’t exactly a superstitious
person, and I rarely got ‘vibes’ about anything. I didn’t trust
them. But, he
seemed to have vibes about me ... after what I’d just been through
with
Steve, the strong emotions I could feel coming from him were more than
a
little frightening. I didn’t know how to respond to them.
He was ultra-romantic all through dinner, though, and that calmed
a
lot of my fears, or at least pushed them aside. How could I be
afraid of
someone who actually kissed my hand, who looked at me with such
passion? So, this was what it felt like to be swept off your
feet ... well,
then, I told myself, bring on the brooms and quit over-analyzing.
Out on the street, when we exited the restaurant, I could hear
the
low sounds of a street musician playing the saxophone, a sultry blues
song
that I vaguely recognized. AJ grabbed my hand and spun me around,
then
pulled me close to him. “May I have this dance?”
Laughing, I allowed him to dance me down the sidewalk, ignoring
the strange looks from the passers-by. We ended up in each others’
arms on
the street corner, waiting for the light to change. He kissed
me lightly on
the lips. “Where would you like to go now?” he asked.
“I don’t know ... dancing?”
“Well ... everyone went to our favorite club tonight, but I don’t
know if I’m want to share you with the rest of the guys yet.”
“Share me? That sounds kinky,” I teased.
He laughed out loud. “They can only dream about you ...” he
assured me.
“If you don’t want to go clubbing, what do you want to do?”
“Hmm ... actually, I guess going to the club is our best bet.
The
guys are going to start wondering about me if I keep avoiding them.”
I looked up at him curiously. “Avoiding them?”
AJ sighed heavily. “I haven’t really talked much to anyone
since I
got back. I apologized to Nick for punching him, but that was
it. I don’t
know why ... I just suddenly can’t do this day to day stuff.”
“That’s strange ...”
“Yeah ... I still feel burned out, I guess. I just look
at all these faces
day after day, and they’re the same faces I’ve seen for the better
part of two
years ... sometimes it doesn’t feel like I’m moving forward at all.
We’re
just running in place, trying to keep up this popularity and momentum
before our time runs out.”
His expression was heavy, and I felt the overwhelming urge to
hold
him close and never let go. I wrapped an arm around his waist
and laid my
head on his shoulder as we walked. “It won’t be like this forever,”
I
reminded him. “Everything changes eventually.”
“Yeah, that scares me, too. Chances are, when all this is
over, the
world’s going to forget about me and the rest of the guys, and I’ll
have to go
back to living a normal life. I’m not good at normal life.”
He smiled
ruefully. “Many words describe me, but ‘normal’ is not one of
them.”
“That’s very true ...” I giggled.
A crowd appeared in the distance -- waiting to get into the club.
I
felt AJ sigh again. “I live in mortal fear of being forgotten,
or being
insignificant. I don’t want to just be the answer to a trivia
question.” His
voice changed mockingly. “All right, Jim, for $5,000 and the
game, answer
this question -- name the Backstreet Boy with the tattoos and changing
hair
colors.”
As we neared the club, he separated from me and took my hand.
He
looked at me seriously. “Tell me, am I a complete spoiled brat
for enjoying
my fame, and all the perks that go with it?”
I shook my head. “No ... I don’t think so, anyway.
I imagine you
worked hard for this.”
“I did. But, it comes easy to me ... singing, dancing performing.
Sometimes it kind of feels unfair to be making so much money, to be
so
successful at something that’s as natural to me as breathing.”
“You’re *so* lucky,” I told him fervently. “Enjoy it, don’t
feel at all
bad about it, just live ... most of us don’t have a clue what comes
naturally
to us, or what we want to do with our lives. You do, and that’s
a rare gift.”
AJ leaned over and kissed me. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“I
needed to hear that.”
He waved at the doorman in front of the club, who then opened
the
velvet rope to allow us inside. I looked back at the line of
people outside,
waiting to get in, who were glaring at us with a ‘who the hell are
you?’
expression on their faces. Wow, I thought ... there were perks
to fame,
indeed, and to hanging around with someone famous. A girl could
get
herself spoiled.
